Have wild, uninhibited, crazy sex.
Find someone to love me back.
When I first read Elizabeth Masters’ list, I was excited. And then I was furious. She created a list of “firsts.” Firsts that should have been mine. Firsts she was now going to give to someone else. Because when she offered me her firsts I said I didn’t want them. But that was a lie. It was one of many I told her. Because I wanted her and her firsts more than anything. Someone to love her back? She already had that. First kiss? That was me. She can’t erase anything that happened between us no matter how hard she tries to forget. And I know that from experience. Because I’ve never been able to forget what we had, what we shared. I couldn’t stop thinking about what could have been if I pulled her close and not pushed her away. And now she wants to move on with someone else? It wasn’t going to happen. What we have is real. Unbreakable. And I’m not messing up again. No more lies. No more hiding. I know she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like I know she’s mine. And so are her firsts. Her firsts, her lasts, her in-betweens, her love, her forever. It’s mine. She just needed to let me back in. She needed to give me another chance. And if she didn’t want to? I’d make her. Because I was never losing her again.
Ryan Flannery broke my heart. Or what was left of the frayed and fragile pieces I had to give. I let him in. I let him close. I gave him everything. I thought he loved me. I laid myself bare, I stripped myself raw. I chased a fantasy, and I got burned. But he did do one thing for me. He gave me something. An idea. According to him I was too young, too inexperienced. And he was right. I needed to change that. So what if he was my first love? He didn’t have to be my only. It was time for me to spread my wings. Explore. It was time for me to live. Ryan might have been the one I wanted to give my firsts to. And my lasts. And everything in-between. But it’s not happening. I’ve been hurt enough. Lied to enough. Betrayed enough. It was time I started to think about me. He thinks that I can just forget what he’s done? That he lied? That he made a mistake? He thinks we’re unbreakable? He thinks that it’s me and him? Always? Forever? He thinks I’m going to give him another chance at that? Another chance at me?
It. Will. Never. Happen.
Until it does.
Everyone remembers their first. Except Ryan Flannery. But that’s okay. Because all he needs to remember is his last.
His last … Her first.